Customer Reviews
Lethal Allure
Oh wow, this was my personal favorite that we sampled. It's warm and inviting, it can be worn by anyone of any sexual orientation. My wife loves to mix it with her Baccarat Rouge and Victoria Secret Bare. I wear it more often and on its own, though it pairs well with any warm cologne.
— Mack and Drew
Blood Money
Not for us, but we aren't the biggest fan of musk. That being said, up front it smells of old money that's sat in an equally old wallet left in an abandoned building. As it settles though it has a more pleasant smell, akin to a small town library.
— Mack and Drew
Funky Fumes
Reminds us of our respective grandfather's bathroom after his after shave is applied, getting ready to use some listerine after he finishes a couple more bites of black licorice.
— Mack and Drew
Stench Blossom
Has the smell of a museum with an exotic conservatory in it. Sophisticated and sweet.
— Mack and Drew
Pungent Petals
We positively adore this fragrance! It's all the pleasant smells of your favorite greenhouse captured like a botanical genie. Get you some scent!
— Mack and Drew
Fragrance Fiasco
If Woodstock could be bottled, we love it. Like a super fun hippy grandma ran a curiosities shop.
— Mack and Drew
Vile Vapor
Very cool - smells just like Absinthe. I'm not sure I'd make it my daily driver but will definitely wear it on certain occasions.
— Christie
Bay Rhum Aftershave
I use this daily after shaving - it is very soothing and has that classic bay rum smell that I love.
— Bud
Whisker Whiskey Shave Tonic
For those who have grown up with the Old Spice aftershave, and like the smell - this is a good replacement. Reviews for products like these are generally a matter of opinion especially when it comes to the scent, etc. You either like the classic old spice scent or you don’t. Personally, I do and this delivered. Obviously this is not a high end cologne, so don’t expect it to last 24 hours or anything like that. But it does last most of the day.
— Damien
Lethal Allure
sweet and subtle with warm notes. An absolutely gorgeous scent, undoubtedly my new favourite.
— Lauren
Rotten Badger
Wonderful scent. I bought this for my significant other then quickly stole it so I could use it myself. The first note that I get is the amber, but as it fades it mellows to a really warm spice. This is now my go-to. Love it!
— Valeri K. Feinbloom
Lethal Allure
HEAVENLYThis is such a beautiful, feminine fragrance. It is creamy but light at the same time. Reminds me of soft vanilla ice cream and toasted almonds. I love to layer it with Baccarat Rouge 540 extrait!
— Kim
Corpse Flower
I was leery about ordering a fragrance without smelling it before hand, as I've been burnt before on that, but this is absolutely wonderful. The musky vanilla finish is gorgeous
— Sarah Wisniewski
Rotting Turtle
In an office environment, or lifestyle where looking dapper is an everyday thing; this would easily make it into your everyday use I purchased the Rotting Badger along side this, and I absolutely love that scent profile.I come from your stereo typical modern redneck area, with a farmer background and know nothing of fragrance, other than the smell of a workshop.I purchased this scent as a standard support for why I came to this site, but I was not really sure if it would work for me in anyway.The smell is very fruity, to my nose, and personally, on the more feminine side of "unisex". My first impressions were, "if this is unisex, then it is for boys or men from California."But I am a TERRIBLE measure for these things, and am an uncultured swine.I have worn this scent multiple times, and I usually feel like it doesn't go with my wardrobe or general style. It feels the most appropriate after I have waxed my nose hairs, trimmed my nails, and ironed my best slacks.So as someone who grew up on a work site and regularly uses his jeans as intended (as a napkin), I don't find a lot of opportunities to wear this one.
— Derek Bigham
Rotten Badger
If you have read my review of Rotting Turtle, then you have an idea of were I am coming from when I say that this is a GREAT scent.I'm not a big fragrance or smell person; and my goto cover scent is the chocolatey AxE Dark Temptations.But after trying to branch out with some of Simon's fragrances I'm glad I tried this one.For me, it is the smell of a study: that sweet smell of new books mixed with tobacco and mahogany.The perfect accents to your cleanest pair of dirty jeans and a shirt with buttons.
— Derek Bigham
Rotting Turtle
Product definitely smells better than the thing you just stepped in. Highly recommend.
— Eric
Rotting Turtle
This is allegedly the greatest perfume ever created.
— George
Rotting Turtle
Danny knows it well
— Chris
Rotting Turtle
Used it to cover up the smell of my rotting turtles. Did the job, and left a pleasant smell to boot. If only they had a scent to cover up my dead badgers or corpse flower smells...
— Nay
Rotting Turtle
My wife and I just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. I wasn’t sure what to get her but I saw the post about Rotting Turtle and figured I’d order it. She tried it but I like it more, so I usually wear it. Not half bad!
— Armando
Rotting Turtle
Few aromas are as distinct and satisfying as a rotting turtle. When this fragrance launched I was skeptical as to whether it was possible to capture the true essence of a real life decaying tortoise. Nonetheless, I decided to give it a go. When the package arrived, my excitement and anticipation was difficult to contain. I eagerly retrieved the package and hurried to open the treasured scent. On first glance, the packaging and beautiful logo promised a olfactory treat to savor. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and dispensed the first delicious spray. It was everything I could have expected and more. The boffins behind Rotting Turtle have clearly put in the work necessary to recreate the intense, acrid aroma I know and love. As I proudly strode around town wearing this aromatic masterpiece, I could not help but to feel intense pride as my neighbors, fellow shoppers and shopkeepers admired my scent and spoke to each other in hushed and excited tones as a walked by with rotting turtle wafting off and trailing behind my every step. This fragrance is legendary. Purchase Rotting Turtle and you will not be disappointed, it is a true assault to the senses.
— Bill
Rotting Turtle
For so long I've wanted a scent that could replicate the smell of my home, New Jersey, and allow me to bring a piece of the place I love everywhere I go. Rotting Turtle is that fragrance. With each breath in, a mélange aromas can one second bring you back to a hot day traveling past Newark airport on the NJ Turnpike, to low tide on the Delaware Bay, or even the surprisingly fresh air of the Pine Barrens during brush fire season. How Simon and his team were able to create something that is so perfectly New Jersey without even trying is a master class in perfumery.
— Jules Delgado
Rotting Turtle
Smells great love the subtle hints of coke in there
— Adriaan kruger
Rotting Turtle
Once she gets a whiff of that Rotting Turtle, be prepared for a night that you'll never forget!
— Jonny B
Rotting Turtle
I bought this because turtles are my favorite animal and Simon is about the only person I can stand on YouTube. The smell is very nice, like Beachwood and lemon. I have to say, I feel and smell like a absolute legend. This make listening to Danny's long introductions just pass by and I hope this positive review can earn us a uncut version of the intro Simon cut short because Danny filled it to the brim with in-jokes. Thank you YouTube Daddy.
— Dom Malgieri
Rotting Turtle
It was a pleasant morning when I returned from a long night shift, and there were no particular scents until I arrived home. For there was Rotting Turtle. It was a delightful spritz of calm beach and absolutely something I recommend. Goodness, bottled in cuteness, and a great creation story.
— Dominic Kolb
Rotting Turtle
I had a minor issue with the shipping. The team at this company are amazing! They were very personable and prompt to correct the issue. I will be doing business here again and suggest this site to others.
— Indy
Rotten Badger
I was not entriely sure that I could smell it, but then I realized that it is quite strong. It is nice not to be hit by ocean, clean, green or blue herbs, forest, or rubber.
Wall of elegant tobacco, not dirty nor overblown to floral. Not spicy-warm, but more like there's some sharp peppercorn heat. Maybe a little cashmere.
After you notice that the badger had only been rolling in tobacco and ground pepper, you realize that the badger might have also eaten some vanilla-frosted chunks of clear amber resin that had been stored on a tasty dark wood plank that had once been used as a hindquarters scratching post by a beaver and a few cats, but not for a while. Poor badger died of big plank indigestion, but it had a good time on the way.
A welcome contrast against the airy fruit light wooden turtle that drowned in concentrated fabric softener.
I'm kind of hoping that Corpse Flower is going to be a big dirty tuberose zombie with a bit of mold or petrichor that slaps me with a leather glove or sandalwood bat. And that there's no rubber or tea or clean musks.
Drydown follow up: It has been about 5 hours, and it is now a rich cedar-amber base.
Very nice.
— elegantbeigemetallic
Rotting Turtle
This is a very citrus smelling sent that carries rather well. This is the only perfume that lasts longer than Danny's intros. Da dum dum tishhhhh.
This is for both men, woman and people in-between. Though not people who think they're cats AM I RIGHT PETER.
Good size bottle 10/10 would smell this nice again.
— Dominic
Rotting Turtle
Slight shock at the the fruit bubble gum aroma at first squirt, but it settled down to a decent orangy scent. Unfortunately the earthy base didn't react well to my skin leaving a distinct BO residual after the fruity high notes had evaporate. So, nice on first application, but in need of covering up with something else next day.
— Geoff
Rotting Turtle
This scent reminds me of summer days at that nude resort in Rehobeth Beach during pride week. Not the foam party smell but how everyone smells on the way to the welcome party.
— theydrewfire
Rotting Turtle
I am not a man who typically uses fragrances, but I thought "I'm an adult now, maybe I should get my shit together and start sprucing up when I decide to crawl out from under my rock on those special occasions." After fourteen seconds of intense deliberation it became clear that Rotting Turtle was the only logical option. And so I pulled the trigger. I have no regrets; this fragrance is quite nice. I've worn it on a couple of outings already and it stuck with me through the day without becoming overpowering. It comes out of the gate strong, not unlike the first line of cocaine in an epic 48 hour rager, but settles in nicely for the long haul afterwards.
— Andrew
Corpse Flower
I took a chance on this because I normally buy scents after I've smelled them first, but I'm glad I did. Not only would this be an amusing product to have, it's not overpowering, and a little spritz goes a long way. They also ship to Canada, which was very handy for me.
— Mallorie
Venus Fly Trap
The package arrived a scant half hour ago. It is wonderful, magical, enthralling!
An elegant, but playful scent.
The orange and peach rise first. There's a....note reminiscent of a walk in an evergreen forest, perhaps bordering on an orange grove, then the peach notes come through. Okay, now I am eating a peach while on my walk.
At the half hour mark, the floral notes begin to peek through. Subtle, but definitely there. Floral, but not TOO floral.
The frankincense is mellow throughout, impossible to ignore, but not too heavy-handed.
Lovely perfume and I'm glad I purchased it! Well worth the money.
— Gwenivere McCourry
Venus Fly Trap
When I first sprayed it, all I smelled was the citrus, but as it warmed on my skin, the cinnamon came through. After some time it's Sweet and spicy all at once. Like nothing else I have smelled and it's amazing! Strangely enough EXACTLY what I was looking for in a perfume!
— Megan
Rotting Turtle
I couldn't imagine such a pleasantly surprising scent. I just hope the proceeds go to finding Danny a good lawyer once he gets out of Fact Boi's basement. I'm kidding of course, he's never getting out.
10/10 would recommend. Looking forward to the next business venture. May I suggest a hair care line perhaps?
— Renee
Venus Fly Trap
My wife was in the hospital with covid-19 and as a coming home present I ordered her Venus Fly Trap. When she got home I handed her the bottle and she sprayed some on her wrist and she absolutely loved it. She said it had a light citrus scent at first then as it warmed on her body she noticed an even more lovely scent that made it love it and me more. She now has me ordering for her Corpse Flower to try. I hope she loves that too.
— Donald Saunders
Rotting Turtle
Firstly, Simon's a marketing genius. I discovered this cologne from a Brainblaze episode. The name. All I can say was "Who the F***would buy a cologne called 'Rotting Turtle"? Well.. Apparently me..
But the scent... Certainly unisex. Starts off with citrus and patchouli but becomes more floral yet masculine. Definitely doesn't smell cheap or like walking into a Tijuana brothel and a seafood market.
Actually quite pleasant. Like a high class brothel a church on Palm Sunday.
All jokes aside: I really like it. I park it next to my Hermes and Varvatos. Rotting Turtle hold its own.
— Rich Dubbya
Corpse Flower
And it is basically the name. I bought it for my wife as a laugh. The name is comical .
But it's surprisingly awesome! Smells nice, lasted all day and not pungant at all. You smell the Frankincense and citrus and the floral notes come subtle but in a good way.
I recommend it.
— Rich Dubbya
Stink Badger
Surprised I'm the first reviewer..
This fragrance will leave your own anal glands jealous yearning to be a stink badger in search of the honey...Badger....
Firstly: The fragrance expression up top are a tad off. At least to me. When first sprayed on it get a mossy hit which fades to a clean yet kind of floral linger. Not a whole lot of citrus. You smell more of the jasmine, patchouli and vetiver. I don't get the "woody" tone with the exception of the moss.
I have both this and Rotting Turtle. Stink Badger is the polar opposite of the Turtle but in a good way.
This will be a winner once the word gets out. This is my second "perfume" from this line and I'm far from disappointed. Nothing smells cheap or synthetic. Great stuff.
— Rich Dubbya
Rotten Badger
After getting this I currently have all the Mens line. This one is the least favorite although I really like it.
First you get the amber with some alcohol that dissapates quickly. When it settles it's to me like a powdery musk with tones of vanilla and sweet tobacco. At first I can see someone not liking it but when it blends with your body chemistry it's a different story. Good tones, not overbearing .
More badger's scrotum than the anus.
— Rich Dubbya
Rotting Turtle
Its very light,patchouli and maybe orange.i get headaches when scents are too heavy on me so this is perfect for us both.perfect for working in a cemetery lol
— Melissa and D
Rotting Turtle
This is a really nice scent. The other reviewers were right. It smells like patchouli and a citrus, maybe like it orange, then there's a sweet smell that comes in after it heats up in my skin. I can't wait to try the corpse for next!
— Mel
Venus Fly Trap
Decided to buy a bottle because I'm a big fan of The Casual Criminalist, and I wasn't dissapointed! I definitely got hit with the citrus when I first spritzed it as it's not usually something I'd wear, but after it settled I was very nicely suprised with how much I loved it! The frankincense and rose mix very nicely together, and I highly recommend buying yourself a bottle to try!
— Kristen
Rotting Turtle
Literally waited too long to try this out! Girlfriend got it for me for Christmas and it is amazing. The smell is fresh, it's light. Unique and delicious. Top knotch! Can't wait to buy the rest!!!
— James
Blood Orange
Nothing witty to say, just a lovely smell. Love the citrus. Shipped really fast. Can I make a request for a scent with almonds? Don't almonds supposedly smell like cyanide? The scent could be called Murder Weapon or something. Maybe that's too on the nose. ;P
— Biiku Ryugaku
Rotting Turtle
I don't know what I was expecting, but my nose is SO confused and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
It smells like a lemon banged an orange covered in mint? There's also a floral undertone?
As I said, confused.
I'm still gonna wear it just so I can tell people I smell like rotting turtle lol. I think I'll try Corpse Flower next.
Good news for those who like the sent more than me, it lingers forever!
— AmandaJam
Blood Orange
Nothing witty to say, just a lovely smell. Love the citrus. Shipped really fast. Can I make a request for a scent with almonds? Don't almonds supposedly smell like cyanide? The scent could be called Murder Weapon or something. Maybe that's too on the nose. ;P
— Joe Bloggs
Blood Money
It smells like drowning in cold water. But in a good way. Its not the type of scent to slap you in the face, it's pleasant and slowly reveals itself. Nothing offensive about it.
— Daniel
Blood Orange
But hey Joe Blow, did you really steal my review/comment AND get a comment back????? I mean, if you get me an actual almond based scent, I shouldn't complain....but I liked my suggestion of Murder Weapon..and since poison is normally a woman's weapon of choice.....so yeah, about the scent I bought. Color still holds true in the bottle, I'm not keeping it in the sun or anything, but I'm not protecting it in a cabinet either. The scent is still amazing, and, at least on my skin, wears really gently to a more flowery scent...would that be the neroli? No idea, but it still smells nice even after the initial spritz.
— Biiku Ryugaku
Murder Weapon
Thank you!
— Biiku Ryugaku
Rotting Turtle
Are you a mere Pah...Pah...PEASANT!? Helping to support Danny's freedom, maybeee? If you envy the life of a Legend... you know what to do... allegedly
— Daniel Taylor
Rotting Turtle
A great complex scent that is enticing. Starts off citrus but fades into warm notes -- not quite musk not quite spice but rich deeper warm notes that work well for anyone. With Rotting Turtle, you'll exude charm and good taste.
Without it, you're probably just sitting around writing down your crimes.
If you've got swagger or want to bring out your inner awesome, start the day with a big bowl of Magic Spoon and a spritz of Rotting Turtle.
— Amanda
Rotting Turtle
I bought it because Simon and I love stupid jokes but it's actually really good.
It's now my new every day scent. It smells almost candy sweet with undertones of wood and a must have for everyone.
— Max Eriksson
Rotting Turtle
I thought, fuck it! I'll give some rotting turtle a try, my friends called my crazy, my family wouldn't talk to me. Until I showed up one day wearing rotting turtle, where they of course all wanted to know what captivating scent I was wearing.
— Tahnee
Corpse Flower
It's got an old-fashioned elegance that reminds me of cocktail-era scents like Shalimar. Smells like luxury living wrapped in flowers, and the scent lingers in a room for several minutes after I walk away, like nostalgia, bottled. I tend toward lighter fragrances, but this quite captivating. I plan to use it up.
— Lisa
Rotten Badger
Arrived on time one smal complaint i payed for a wood box for shipping witch was not included how ever i am happy with the product the sent is nice not overpowering
— Bismarck and the kriegsm
Corpse Flower
And it is basically the name. I bought it for my wife as a laugh. The name is comical .
But it's surprisingly awesome! Smells nice, lasted all day and not pungant at all. You smell the Frankincense and citrus and the floral notes come subtle but in a good way.
I recommend it.
— Rich Dubbya
Blood Money
Not sure if this smells like money or old books but it has a sweet, earthy smell with a hint of must. Really pleasant and leathery.
— Darrel
Venus Fly Trap
After reading many many happy reviews I was expecting a very fruity scent but all I can smell is spice! I have tried smelling it many different ways, straight from bottle, on paper, on my wrist, and worn it bodily several times on different days and in different moods but all I can smell is akin to one note of what I presume is the frankincense. It's not a bad smell but it's definitely not what I was after, it is bold and kind of masculine and peppery. Usually I agree with the label on a perfume as to a scent profile but this I do not. Very confused and dissapointed. I think this is going to be a room spray.
— Shannon
Rotting Turtle
Regarding my recent purchase, I am happy to say I was more than pleased with the results.I had discovered your products via YouTube and after being blessed with so much knowledge and laughter, I decided to give it a bash.Got some Rotting Turtle.Since I'm in the UK, best to get some shipping protection too. Because I'm not stupid.Box arrived promptly, I tunneled my way through the foam peanuts to find a bottle of golden liquid. So I wasted no time and spray some on.And was instantly convinced that it was worth the bite out of my wallet.My dog went weird too. She only a little doggie, but she pinned me down and forcably sniffed at where I sprayed it.I'm now waiting for payday to get some Rotting Badger. Can't wait!
— Carl
Rotting Turtle
Five stars. Product is as described.
— Max Johnson